The World According to the Knock, is a podcast about how the world changes when the Knock happens, and is run by people with lived experience.
You can find this week’s episode here. Please do listen to it in full to find out more about The Munchkins.
This blog post features only a small section of transcript from this week’s episode in order to provide a visual reference point for blog, website and email addresses of the various groups and initiatives mentioned.
You can contact ‘The World According to the Knock’ by email theworldaccordingtotheknock@gmail.com.
Community Groups and Creative Projects
The Knock Website for the “The invisible people”
Set up a few years ago by a lady called Karen. Karen was hiding away for 3 years at this stage waiting for her husband to be brought to court. In the midst of her pain, she found a support group by StopSO and thus her healing journey began. Karen was greatly inspired by the other family members she met in the group and grateful for the sharing of important information that she knew nothing about. Setting up the website was a labour of love.
She felt led to set up a website specifically for the forgotten family members, to help signpost them, help them read blogs from other family members, educate them, reduce their fears, and to give them that validation they needed about the marginalisation and mistreatment most were experiencing. People need to be heard when they’ve experienced repeated trauma. We felt like the world was hiding us. We wanted to be recognised and to be treated with dignity and respect. We wanted our children’s pain because of society’s response to the knock to be known. The website is also a hub for professionals and academics alike. It helps them gain a fresh perspective and helps debunk myths with many peer-reviewed journals on the subject. Sadly many social workers are not given specific training on this and they often cause further trauma to families.
Three years on, the website is transitioning into offering additional services by those with lived-experience. Many survivors who are through to the other side are coming out of the shadows. They are making lemonade stands with the lemons they were given. Turning the bitter experience into a sweet gift for the world. People have a misconception that once the court case is over and the husband is home that everything will return to normal. This is not the truth. This experience changes lives forever so it is important that people learn to live with the trauma in a positive way. Some of the services offered include a writing group, a writing service, a spiritual pastoral group, podcasts (The world according to the knock) and 1:1 coaching.
Home
Pastoral Spiritual Support Group – Katie runs a free spiritual support group for those seeking deeper healing from the fallout of the knock. Katie has extensive experience with the impacts of the knock and has a calling to help people heal on a spiritual level. Katie is a multi-disciplinary creator who works with people, hearts and God. The first session date will be in June (date tbc) will introduce the theme of bitterness and unforgiveness and how this can take root in your life in a negative way. The pastoral support group will be a nurturing environment…a safe space to grow in your relationship with God and bring us closer to freedom. Email for more details or go to the website.
Annie Hope Writer: Writing Group & Blog
I have lived experience as a family member affected by a loved one’s offending which resulted in ‘the Knock’.
As a result, I became determined to raise awareness of what my children and I endured, and my story was featured anonymously in the media a few times.
Whilst it was helpful to have the opportunity to raise awareness of our experience, I listened to community response to media coverage. People were pleased that it was being talked about, but sad that only certain stories were being told in the media each time. Of course, it isn’t possible to tell all stories, but it seemed like certain narratives were perhaps being overlooked, whilst certain narratives were being prioritised.
I felt a responsibility to the community and wanted to find a way to help people to open up about their experiences and to tell their own stories. We each have a voice and deserve to feel heard.
The other factor that influenced the creation of a writing group was that I had stepped away from volunteering at a support group for family members after fourteen months to focus on other projects, yet I was still very much in contact with the community and supporting people 1:1.
I became aware of a few people writing about their experiences or planning to write.
I was being asked to read drafts of people’s work. I had recently completed an MA in Creative Writing and I understand how much writers value feedback, especially the constructive kind. It’s quite an emotionally difficult thing to hand over a draft of work, especially after going through a massive trauma, and I appreciated that people were trusting me to look at what they had spent time and effort creating. It’s a big deal.
So, I was reading these drafts and feeding back on them, and I thought why not do something along the lines of a writing group? Something we can all benefit from and support each other through the writing process. I had written around 35,000 words of my own novel but kind of stalled with it, so I also needed a boost.
Unfortunately, I had a breakdown at the end of last year due to multiple factors including unaddressed trauma, feeling ‘othered’ due to my lived experience and being in a dire financial situation three years on from the Knock. In fact, financially things just kept getting worse and worse for my five children and I.
We experienced the trauma of living in a no-heat no-hot-water house (with one of my children having a vomiting bug at the same time) during the two of the coldest days and nights of winter 2022, with a broken car engine added into the mix and being unable to afford new school shoes for my son, as well as relying on a food pantry every week to get by. It took its toll, especially in the run up to Christmas.
Thankfully, I had the support of this amazing community who were there for me round the clock and I wouldn’t have got through those dark times without them.
I refer to as “the fallout of the fallout of the Knock” whereby I had a lot to process. I thought that I would leave the world of ‘the Knock’ behind to focus on my new career (which is unrelated to writing). But ‘the Knock’ community is like a revolving door.
I used to write an anonymous blog about the Knock, which I deactivated last year. But I missed writing about the Knock and I really wanted to write about something which could be helpful to our community.
So, after a lot of thought and reflection, I set up a new blog. Instead of being solely about my own experiences of the Knock (although I do mention this at times), the new blog focuses on representation of family members in fiction and nonfiction. It is so important that we find ourselves represented in art and literature, and I wanted scope to be able to cover the emerging body of written work about ‘the Knock’. The blog also features real life stories of people’s experience of the Knock.
The writing group is called Writing Strong, in tribute to Brene Brown’s book ‘Rising Strong’. The group and the blog run hand-in-hand, and I am happy to share people’s stories and work on my blog, as well as interviews with authors and creators.
We recently ran a writing group session about blogging and a few family members are already writing blogs. It’s such a powerful thing to be able to speak about what we experience and it enables people to understand our journey as indirect victims.
Writing Strong sessions are free to attend, because I understand the dire financial circumstances family members can find themselves in. The group sessions address many elements of writing, and we also look at ways to create opportunities for ourselves, and how to improve our own circumstance through writing, as well as those of others. We discuss writing commercially, monetising our writing, as well as writing for pleasure. Members can write about anything they are interested in, it doesn’t have to be about the Knock. Some would like to publish work; others may wish to write for themselves. Anything goes.
I recommend that the people who attend have a loved one who committed these offences and is beyond sentencing and any potential media coverage. This is designed to protect group members from being triggered by other’s experiences. I wouldn’t turn a family member away who was really keen to join before those stages but I would have to make them aware that they might find it difficult.
The primary focus of the group is talking and learning about writing, and of course, writing. Inevitably there is discussion around what we are going through, and my experience with the support group, as well as my own experience of trauma (having struggled to find the right support for this element) and being a mental health first aider helps me to signpost members to the relevant support organisations and charities.
I currently have my own weekly therapy 1:1 from Circles South East which has been brilliant.
Writing Strong is what it is because of the people who attend. We share a common bond and are keen to create something positive from our experiences. We all guide one another and are enjoying being on this new part of our journey together – the journey to finding hope.
Writing group to encourage and support families
If you are interested in joining the writing group or if you would like to share your story, as a family member of someone who has experienced ‘the Knock’ on my blog please email anniehopewriter@gmail.com
I am also available to hire as a 1:1 writing mentor with concessions available, and I am available for hire as a blogger for your organisation. Please email me to discuss your requirements and for a quote anniehopewriter@gmail.com
QUOTES FROM SOME WRITING STRONG MEMBERS
“The writing group has inspired me to revisit my story. I first wrote my story after sentencing but would now like to revisit it again with a view to turning it into a weekly blog. I know that when I am feeling creative whether that is art, craft or writing then I’m OK….it’s easy to feel creative and inspired when I’m surrounded by compassionate and strong ladies”
(Welsh Warrior One)
In a society where we are shunned, judged, and misunderstood it is both comforting and empowering to be with people who truly understand. To be part of this writing group is an honour; to stand with these courageous and noble women who refuse to be defeated but want instead to make something positive come out of a truly shocking and unasked for journey gives me the personal strength to carry on. My hope is that writing will be a cathartic experience but also that our words can maybe help to educate the ignorant and, most important of all, to reach out to those thousands of others who are walking this path and for them to know that they are not alone.
(Rosie )
I’m Rainbowgirl, I am three years from the knock now. Things are still tough. My husband went to prison for 16 months and was out in December last year. I started my blogging when he was away on recommendation of my therapist. It helps me hugely. I feel like I’ve been given a voice again. It’s helped me to process the trauma along the way. I also want to raise awareness of what we go through to stand by our partner after the knock.
I’ve had an extremely positive response to my blog. In helping myself to heal seemingly I’ve helped others too.
Twitter has helped me to connect with people who have had no support. This is a very lonely journey and the support from other partners and family members is invaluable.
I’ve recently joined the writing group as I would like to write to a wider audience. There are so many assumptions made about offenders and those who support them, society need to understand that these offences are not black and white and the aftermath for families like us is a huge trauma. It’s important we speak out and we show society we are neither meek, mild nor controlled women. Quite the opposite in fact.
Whilst the writing group has been up and running for a short time, Rainbowgirl has been writing her blog since 2021. She has provided some information about her blog. Please do check it out.
I started my blog on advice from my therapist of me needing to be heard.
I was very anxious about being disclosed but my anonymous twitter profile gave me the protection I needed.
I write mostly in real time.. when I feel overwhelmed by parts of this. It helps me to process and feel heard.
I try to follow other partners, ex offenders, forensic psychologists, other agencies who support us, Probation officers and social workers.
I have around 1600 followers now.
I’ve had very few negative comments and lots of support via Twitter.
It’s helped me to process and to heal so much. It’s been empowering and built my confidence again.
You can find Rainbowgirl on Twitter @Rainbowgirl1982
And you can find her blog here rainbowgirl1980.art.blog Rainbowgirl1980 on WordPress.
Kelly – Spiritual Pastoral Servant for people of the knock.
Questions & Answers
What does the writing group mean to you? A lot, I love to connect with others who find themselves in this fallen world.
What are you writing or planning to write? I am writing a book, a blog and some poems. I am setting up a group for people seeking deeper spiritual healing from the knock.
How have you found it being part of the writing group so far? Attended both sessions. Both have been warm, welcoming, and well run.
What are you looking forward to learning at the writing group? I am looking forward to seeing how others write and also receiving practical technical help on writing styles.
If you are writing a blog already and would like that to be mentioned please provide a brief summary and a link. https://spiritualpastoralgroup.wordpress.com/
God has called me to form a group to help those struggling with spiritual themes such as forgiveness, bitterness, reconciliation, and other teachings from the bible. The knock will naturally cause one to wrestle with God on such soul matters. It is an opportunity for soul growth and healing. I wanted to provide a safe space for people to freely talk about these themes in a loving nurturing environment. Even a little candle flame can extinguish the darkness. People need hope that there is a deeper meaning to what they are going through.
If you are writing a book and would like to summarise that, please do so. It’s loosely autobiographical to begin but then diverges out to examine the broader themes of the knock including injustice and the ‘love to hate’ blame/shame culture. Society loves a scapegoat. They need to realise they are only hurting themselves and their own children. None of us are immune to this phenomenon. We have to find reconciliation.
‘The World According to the Knock’ is available on iTunes, Spotify and Audible.
New episode available every Friday.
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